We all have it in some form or another. I knew that I had it to some degree, but didn’t realize just how much I had it until I heard it explained the way I did this morning.
This complex is formed from a deep belief in our own personal lack. We aren’t good enough, we don’t measure up, this person is better at such and such than I am, and so forth. It makes it difficult for us to celebrate our uniqueness and see any value in what we have been given to offer those around us. When I heard it explained as a “Yea, but…” complex, I had so many different areas of my life flash through my mind where I believe I lack something and am convinced that I’m not good enough.
For example, I have been a drummer since I was a kid – nearly 25 years, at least. I have been apart of my church’s worship team for about 6 years. Toward the end of 2016 I felt I needed to take some time off and spend make an effort to work on my craft privately. The reason for this is because all the years that I’ve played, my style hasn’t really changed. I grew up playing classic rock (I got really into the 90’s as well) and stayed in that lane. I never learned jazz, funk (I did play with this one for a short while), Indie, or any other genre. To be honest, I never even learned the fundamentals that nearly every drummer learns such as rudiments and reading percussion sheet music. So I wanted to attempt to hone my gift a little more.
This, in and of itself, is not a bad thing. Actually, we as musicians should constantly be looking to grow in our knowledge and ability of whatever instrument we play. So I spend time watching other drummers on YouTube amazed at their ability. Where this had gone wrong for me was that, deep down, I really felt like I was lacking something rather than wanting to grow. I didn’t feel like I was that good of a drummer because I couldn’t do what other drummers could do. Therefore, I didn’t see the value in what I currently had to offer. Growing in any gift or talent is great, but it has to be done from a place of truth rather than a lie. When we start the game of comparison, you will always find someone “better” than you and undermine the value of what God has given you.
It wasn’t just in music for me. As a husband, I rarely ever believe I measure up. I see friends of mine and how they treat their wives, talk to their wives, etc. and see my own deficiencies and realize I am missing the mark horribly. I see parents and how they love and raise their children. Then I look at my own kids, as amazing as they are, and feel like I’m missing something. I have watched many videos, seminars and read books about fundraising and struggle with believing I am doing a good job because I haven’t convinced someone to write us a million dollar check. I would go to the gym because I didn’t believe my physique matched up to what society seems to require, rather than simply looking to be healthy.
I even see it in myself with things I haven’t even done yet. For example, preaching – there is something in me that wants to preach so badly. Yet I watch other speakers and am amazed at their knowledge and oratory skills and instantly think, “I can’t do that as well as they do. There’s no way people would respond with the way I talk and how little I know.” My life has been filled with the lie that I will never be good enough at anything. And nothing is off limits.
But then I am reminded of when God called Moses to rescue the people of Israel. Moses said God should choose someone else because he didn’t speak very well (historically, he stuttered). God said to Moses; “Who created your tongue?” WOW! Then, when God called the prophet Jeremiah, he told God that he was only a youth – he didn’t feel old enough to do the task. But God said to him; “Do not say that you are too young. I have put My words in your mouth.”
God has given each one of us a gift of some kind. But we find every excuse as to why we can’t do it. What we are really doing, whether we realize it or not, is telling God that He messed up and picked the wrong person. He messed up when He created my mouth. He messed up when He gave me my wife. He made a mistake giving me kids to raise. There is no way that I, of all people, can do what You are asking me to do. I don’t see the value in what You created in me, Lord.
We need to get past this and see the value in ourselves. This is not arrogance, though it is a fine line. We need to be able to look at ourselves through His eyes and have the confidence in who He is for us. We need to see the power and value in the gifts He has given us.
Women, when your husband tells you that you’re beautiful, don’t say; “Yea, but you only say that because you’re my husband.” It undermines the power of the truth he is speaking. Men, when your wife compliments you in any way, don’t tell her; “Yea, but I could be better.” She is expressing the value she sees in you. If someone tells me that I’m a good drummer and they were impressed by such and such song, I would typically say; “Yea, but I’m no Adam Swartz or Gabe Steelman.” I was completely devaluing my skills and the gift God had given me while comparing myself to someone who, obviously, isn’t me. We must stop this!
I am declaring right now that I am going to do my best to begin to see the value in who I have been created to be. No more “Yea, buts….” No more devaluing. It’s time to say YES and get on His page. It’s time that we have the confidence in who He says we are. We are a holy nation! We are fearfully and wonderfully made! We have everything we need for living a Godly life! There is nothing we can’t do if God is in it. I am convinced now more than ever that I can do more than I have ever believed I can. I do measure up! I am enough! I am a good husband (who still needs to grow)! I am a good father! God did not mess up when He created me! I lack nothing!
I have more to say on this subject, but it will have to wait for another time. I would appreciate any thoughts or comments you may have. Now go with me and start believing the best for yourself and in yourself…because God already does.
Steven Andrew, Jr 
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