A Journey of Self-Discovery

I have become totally convinced that it is impossible to truly understand who you are without seeing yourself through the eyes of our Creator. In a world where God is continually pushed out of everything we know, I hope by some small, yet powerful way, He can become greater through my life. 

So here goes…..

I really like myself. No, seriously. I really like me…..a lot. I’m funny, talented, gifted and pretty cool. I’m smart, intelligent and quite creative. I’m attractive (I think, anyway). I’m a visionary of sorts. I’m powerful in many ways. I love deeply, care more than I thought I ever would and I hurt for others in pain. I’m confident.  I have goals to change the world. I believe I will be used to do some pretty amazing things.  I’m a pretty special guy. 

But this wasn’t always the case. 

I was the guy who never seemed to be able to see myself beyond my last mistake. I lacked confidence so much that I was afraid to make decisions. Fear gripped my soul at the thought of screwing up yet again. My past held me captive by convincing me I would never succeed. 

I was the one who literally had no positive outlook for myself…at all. I nearly spent 6 years in prison for a major mistake committed in the military. I spent a handful of years living with a drug addiction. Alcohol was one of my besties. And I battled nearly every sexual issue you could think of. I bounced from job to job completely unsure of what I wanted to do. And a big part of me didn’t care. 

I was an angry person. I hated my life. I was convinced that I would never amount to much. 

Once I became a Christian in the summer of 2003, you would think all of that would change. But it didn’t. I mean, my conversion was genuine and quite dramatic. But it didn’t end the war that my inner demons had waged against me long before that night. I was changed, but only on the outside and only to the extent that I could control. I was still dealing with anger and an extreme lack confidence. 

Fast forward to nearly 13 years into this journey of faith. I have had many discoveries along the way that have completely altered who I am and how I see the world. God has shown me gifts and abilities within myself that I never knew existed. It has been amazing to say the least. But all of it means very little in comparison to the awesome discovery He has been showing me lately. 

I really am an amazing person. But only because He created me that way. I really am special. But only because He sees me that way. I really am attractive. But only because I have come to believe that God does not create ugly. 

He’s convinced me. Inspite of my weaknesses. Regardless of my failures. No matter how many times I mess up or get it wrong, He still loves me. It’s not that I am ok with sin or that I am blind to my sin. It’s not that. My sin simply has no more power over me. I no longer wallow in guilt and shame when I do sin. I brush it off, ask for forgiveness, receive it and move on. 

I am only able to do this because He has convinced me that I’m ok. More than that, I’m pretty awesome. He created me to be that way. He smiles at me, laughs with me and has taught me to be confident in His love for me. Regardless of my failures past, present or future, I’m ok. He’s got me. 

This may not seem like a big deal to some. But it has been huge for me. My confidence is growing. Not only in Him, but in myself as well. I’m excited to see where this journey continues to take me, my family and our ministry. I pray I can help walk others through their challenges into a strong confidence in Him. 

So if you haven’t made this discovery yet, hit me up. I’d love to chat with you more about my journey.