Technology & Your Family (a rough draft)

Technology and kids – this has been a heavily disputed issue since the advent of the cell phone and texting.  What is the right age to allow them to have one of these new devices? What about social media? Do they impact other areas of my child’s development?  These and many other questions have concerned families for a couple of decades now and will continue to well into the future. Many studies have been conducted and articles written about this very topic which sheds light on a lot of these concerns.  My goal in providing yet another resource to this issue is simply to give you, the reader, an overview of both the pros and cons of kids & the growing use of technology. Whether we like it or not, it will continue to advance and become more and more a part of our lives.  Yet, much like money, we can either control it, or it will control us.

I want to begin by stating that I am not an expert in this area by any means; I am sure that I will learn just as much by writing this article as I hope you do by reading it.  I am, however, a parent of teenagers. Therefore, I have some understanding of the struggle. Growing up as a member of what has become known as Generation-X, I remember when our biggest concern was getting home before sundown.  Technology was not on our radar outside of video games (which is another topic for another article). The power of technology had not yet taken root in the average American home. I recall spending most of my time outside rather than face to face with a screen.  So take my little study on the topic as a starter kit. Then be proactive and dig deeper in order to make the most informed decision for your family.

The Cons

Potentially addicting

I say this very carefully considering the idea of addiction can seem a little irrational.  However, consider the findings from a 2013 Pew Research Center report concluding that 78% of teens own a cell phone (47% of those are smartphones).  Of those who own smartphones, 74% had internet access. Not to mention that another report found that the majority of teen cell phone owners were spending roughly 75% of their waking hours on their phones or iPads accessing some form of media or game.  That’s a lot of screen time!

Along with this, researchers are also discovering that our brains react very similarly on a chemical level as a drug addict’s brain.  Meaning, when we get a little notification ding or we get a lot of likes or thumbs up, our brains release high levels of dopamine – the same chemical released when an addict takes a hit of heroin.  This results in a greater need for that “high.” Imagine this happening to a child 10-17 years old during the most formidable years of brain formation. It can be a recipe for disaster.

It exposes them to dangers they aren’t prepared to handle

My wife and I run a small nonprofit that combats the issue of sex trafficking.  What we have learned over the years is how much traffickers use technology and social media to find and lure their victims.  They prey on the vulnerability of kids and use that to their advantage, ultimately resulting in a potentially dangerous situation.  It is easy to pose as someone else online and befriend anyone left unmonitored.

The rise of the internet and mobile devices has also seen an astounding growth in internet pornography use and addiction.  Free access sites are available all across the web and are growing in vast numbers. One site claims to receive upwards of “65 million (unique) visitors per day,” according to a BuzzFeed report.  And that’s for one of the potentially millions of available sites. 65 million…a day!  

Cyberbullying & sexting are also growing trends with the advent of apps like SnapChat, Kik, and others which provide the user with anonymity.  This has resulted in depression, anxiety and even the production and distribution of child pornography charges for those who choose to partake in these activities.  

My Advice

The cons listed above are extremes, I’ll admit.  But I think we need to look at it in that light considering parents are constantly using tech as “babysitters” or something to simply get their child to chill out.  There seems to be very little if any, oversight at all. Or they are buying their child a smartphone simply so they won’t be the only kid in school without one. I get it – it isn’t easy.  However, we have to look at the potential long-term effects of the things we expose our kids to. It may seem harmless, but the dangers are very real. These are very sensitive and formidable years for our kids and we need to take the lead for them.

First, you need to decide for yourself and child what the appropriate age is for having a phone.  Base this on your unique relationship, the child’s maturity level and ability to be responsible (this will always vary, which is why I didn’t set an age).  Don’t worry about being that parent who says no to a phone; you know your child and what they can handle. It may cause some issues, but that’s part of the job.  Our girls have had phones for about 3 years now, but they have not been allowed to have any source of social media access at all until recently (which I’ll get to why later).  They could text, call and have age-appropriate games but no media.

Once you do make the decision, set restrictions, limit usage and monitor their usage  – period! This goes for TV time, phones, video games, etc. Set boundaries and rewards. Limit tech time to an hour or two, at the most, after they have completed house chores and school work.  Base it on an attitude system and make them earn it. Pretty much all phones, iPads, computers, and gaming systems have parental controls and restrictions. Use them to your advantage. I am an adult and have restrictions on my phone in order to prevent myself from seeing something inappropriate. How much more is this needed for our kids?   iPhones have it to where you can restrict website & app age limits – meaning, if you set the age restriction to 12 & under, they cannot access a website or download an app that is rated for anything above 12 years old.  You would be foolish to not use those features.

Remember, our job is to protect our children and guide them to better decision-making for themselves.  We used to worry about strangers or the creep down the street. Nowadays, those folks are more than likely hiding out online.  So be diligent and proactive.

Pros

Believe it or not, they do exist.  While the majority of focus seems to be on the negative aspects of technology, there are good benefits to it that previous generations had to work a lot harder for.  Here is a short list of what I found and some of our own personal experiences.

There is a VAST world out there to discover!

When I was a kid and wanted to learn about something (which wasn’t often;), I had to rely on the  Encyclopedia or the library. This amazing and expansive volume of books held within it so much information on the world we live in.  Today, it’s just a click away. Everything from geography to astronomy is available at the tips of our fingers. And with sites like YouTube or Vimeo, we can go straight to videos rather than flipping endlessly through pages.  There are also sites and apps available that teach our kids about this amazing world and can be helpful in research for your middle and high school kids. Our daughters are issued Chromebooks in school now, so that limits our costs at home as well.

It keeps them on the cutting edge

As we all know, technology is rapidly advancing.  Kids today can stay on the cutting edge of technology and remain up to speed as it moves forward.  The majority of today’s everyday jobs such as automotive, retail and many trades such as carpentry and plumbing are all utilizing the most advanced technology available in their fields.  So it isn’t the I.T. jobs alone that may require an advanced knowledge of technology. Therefore, the earlier a child, especially as a teen, can grasp this complex world, the better off they may be regardless of which field they choose.

Cognitive, Problem Solving & Skills Development

In cases with younger children such as toddlers, many studies are showing that the use of technology is actually improving some of their most basic skills.  According to an article by healthresearchfunding.org, “interactive apps, video games, different kinds of challenges and educative programs are available on various kinds of devices. Such products would always improve a child’s cognitive skills.”

My Wrap Up

Technology is both friend and foe for me personally.  However, I believe it can be of great benefit to our children.  The primary common denominator is going to be you, the parent. It is up to you to determine when your child is ready for exposure.  You know what they can handle and what level of maturity they have reached. Yet, no matter when you decide, once you make the decision, you need to also be the monitor and set boundaries from the start.  Set restrictions on the phone, tablet or PC so that they cannot access certain content and make it to where you can view everything they do online. Learn the technology and keep up with the latest trends yourself.  This will make it harder for them to be sneaky. New apps are coming out every day that are potentially harmful.

In our home, our girls had a smartphone probably a little earlier than they should have. However, they were not allowed to access the internet, social media was off limits (no questions asked), and we had the liberty to monitor their use whenever we saw fit.  This was the standard and we stuck with it. It was only recently that we opened the door to social media for them because we feel they are mature enough to handle it.  But we still have access to their posts, friends list, etc, so that we can keep an eye out in places they may not be looking.

Like I said, this decision is up to you and no one can make it for you.  No one knows your child and what they can handle as well as you do. Talk with them about it and discuss your concerns with them.  And trust yourself – if you feel it isn’t the right time, then please listen to your heart and make the decisions that are best for you and them.